Workshops with Marjan & Désirée

Video No 1 is about identifying where your upset comes from. What is the trigger? The Work is a tool to get back to inner peace, how to live this inner peace and allow you to Embrace Life fully. Let’s start with a question: what upsets us? When things don’t go the way, we want them to go! We have a wish, an expectation, an image, a goal that is not being met. Our normal reaction: we want to push other people harder, or we blame ourselves, start drinking, eating, escaping. Our emotions: we get mad or depressed. These emotions are not bad. We can use them in a better way. Use them to explore our reactions and our thinking. The first clarity you get is writing down what upsets you. Do it honestly and no holding back. Desiree has a great example with her husband that we will use to show how you get clarity, how you can take ownership and take (effective) action.

Video No 2 is about asking yourself what is really true for you. In the previous video we talked about becoming more aware of situations that upset you: anywhere on the scale from minor irritation to major setback we experience stress. Desiree shared her situation with her husband criticizing her website. That was the first level of clarity. What is it exactly that stressed you out, upset you or made you angry?

In this video number 2 we will start the actual process of looking into the things you wrote down about the situation that upset you. The Work is about meditation – about finding out what is true for you – becoming clear about your own truth is the second level of clarity. What is really, really true for me? The Work consists of 4 questions and something that is called the turnarounds. In this video we will talk about the first 2 questions only.

Video No 3 is about what happens when you believe a thought. Emotions are the temple bell that show us where we are believing something that is not in tune with reality. No need to push them away, ignore them, get angry at your anger or depressed because of your depression. Use them as the way to self-realization – getting to know yourself better. Where does this emotion come from? From what I am believing in this moment! How does it make me feel when I believe that? How do I treat others (how do I speak to them, do I even speak to them, do I give them ‘the look’)? How do I treat myself? Do I see myself as a victim, the one who ALWAYS has to do this? What images do I see from the past that justify me in my anger or sadness? And what anticipation do I have of the future when I believe this. The 3rd question of the Work shows you the effect of your beliefs on your emotions, your body, your communication with others, your behavior towards others and the outcome you get as a consequence of this. Just ask yourself: is this thought helping me or harming me?

Video No 4 is about looking at the same situation you started investigating and asking yourself how you would feel or what this situation would be like without the influence of the initial (upsetting) thought.

Your thoughts and beliefs are like fingerprints on your glasses, clouds in front of the sun, a dirty mirror – they obstruct your view of what is really going on. Just consider what this situation would be like if you did not have those greasy fingerprints sitting there. Take a step back, look at the situation again as if you experienced it for the very first time, without memories of the past, without any story. What do you see, what do you really see?

Video No 5 is about looking at the same situation from different angles. After you have answered the 4 questions of The Work your mind is a little more open. You may have noticed there are more ways to look at the situation you are in. How and where can you take responsibility for your own state of mind, for your own inner peace, for your own part in any encounter? Let’s make it concrete by turning around a thought or grievance you have about someone. You might be surprised by what you find! ‘My husband is criticizing me’. Ask yourself how maybe you were criticizing him in that moment. Can you find an example? Could it be true that he was NOT criticizing you? Were you perhaps criticizing yourself - taking a comment from someone else so personal that you hurt yourself more than they did! Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can solve your feelings of frustration or show how you can give yourself what you were making other people responsible for…

Video No 6 is about a great tool you can use when you do The Work: the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Do you really want to get to know and heal yourself better? Start writing down all the things you want from someone, the advice you would give them, the things you need them to say, think or do and then question those thoughts. Go to www.thework.com if you want to download the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Have you realized yet that everything you think about someone says more about you then about them! They are your thoughts. When you meet your thoughts with understanding instead of repressing them or letting them make you angry, sad or frightened, you get to discover yourself more and more. Looking into your own thoughts gives you clarity, shows you where you can take responsibility for your own sanity and shows you exactly how! Let’s see what insights Desiree found …

Video No 7 is about taking your awareness to the next level. In this video from our series ‘Website Crisis‘ we look at additional learnings from the Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet and how they have made Desiree’s life more peaceful and fulfilling. We often think we understand our life and still we can find new insights every time we take an honest look. It is totally worth your time to fill out the whole sheet and do The Work on all the statements that cause you stress, frustration, or other negative feelings. This is creating awareness and positive self-management at its best! We invite you to take a look at your situations and do The Work.

Do you want to take more ownership of your life? Start by focusing on the things that you have control over! Everything that you think, say or do, is within your power. Everything someone else thinks, says or does is NOT in your power. You have no control about this! If you don’t like what someone else says or does, then you always have the option to share your opinion about it, request a different way of interacting or choosing to change your reaction towards that person. Whether they actually do change is not in your control. You only have control over the input, not the output. Same goes for the reality of this moment. You cannot change the way things are right now. You can work on changing things or deal with them in a different way. Again, you have control over the input, not the output. Becoming aware of the wisdom to stay in your own business is the greatest gift you can give yourself! Let’s see, how this played out in Desiree’s situation …